my employer sent to me
A parking ticket in DC.
Merrrrry Christmas! It's true ABC in Washington now making its employees pay their own $125 a month parking charges.
On the second day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Two jobs in one,
And a parking ticket in DC.
In radio during the year 2009 you'll either have two jobs or no job -- go figure the irony.
On the third day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And a parking ticket in DC.
Best Buy, Target and Wal-Mart will be featured in a USA Today ad Friday hawking 100 "value-priced" HD radios -- HD programming available separately -- or not depending on your market or location. Imagine how mad you'd be to get an iPod for Christmas and not be able to hear any content. A black eye for radio on Christmas Day? Or, lots of returns on the day after?
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And a parking ticket in DC.
Four shares of Citadel stock for only 68 cents! Now that's value pricing! Great for stocking stuffers and discounted from $2 just one Christmas ago!
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
Even the three automaker CEOs are willing to work for $1 a year if only the government will bail them out. But in radio, no bailout necessary, unless you happen to read any of the separation agreements that CEOs in our industry have in place -- just in case. Hell, it may be cheaper to keep 'em.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Six CEOs a-lying,
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
At the Radio Ink Conference this week when a group of radio execs were asked what the next 18 months were going to be like for radio, some lied nicely and one, Citadel's Farid Suleman said, "I have no F-ing idea". Okay I lied. Suleman was the one who was telling the truth. He has no idea!
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven knives a slicing,
Six CEOs a-lying,
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
The blind are leading the blind at Lee & Bain as they actually prepare for a wide range of deep personnel cutbacks either for Christmas Eve or right after the new year. Worse yet, instead of allowing local managers to decide where to cut, the cuts may come from the top down. Brilliant.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Eight "It's a Wonderful Life" DVDs,
Seven knives a slicing,
Six CEOs a-lying,
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
Because a DVD is as close as they will get to a George Bailey type of manager who treats people with respect in a radio world of sad and stingy Mr. Potters.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Nine ladies fired,
Eight "It's a Wonderful Life" DVDs,
Seven knives a slicing,
Six CEOs a-lying,
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
To hell with EEO -- this is a recession! Gains in hiring women and minorities are going out the window. If there was more diversity in radio, we might have fewer of the same white men who can't seem to come up with anything but red ink.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Ten percent pay cuts and ten fewer vacation days,
Nine ladies fired,
Eight "It's a Wonderful Life" DVDs,
Seven knives a slicing,
Six CEOs a-lying,
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
CBS asked its WCCO top air talent to "accept" a ten percent across the board pay cut and in the spirit of the holidays -- and keeping their jobs -- everyone said "yes" you cheap bastards! (Okay, the cheap bastards was my mine). Apparently 13 others in the CBS cluster were not as lucky -- they were fired without the option to work for less. And you know those Kris Kringles at Citadel cut maximum paid vacation by 1o days except for salespeople who are not even human apparently and don't need paid vacation.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Eleven rescinded vacation days,
Ten percent pay cuts and ten fewer vacation days,
Nine ladies fired,
Eight "It's a Wonderful Life" DVDs,
Seven knives a slicing,
Six CEOs a-lying,
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
As incredible as it may seem, some Clear Channel clusters have already asked for pre-approved vacation days back!
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my employer sent to me
Twelve dumb or dumber,
Eleven rescinded vacation days,
Ten percent pay cuts and ten fewer vacation days,
Nine ladies fired,
Eight "It's a Wonderful Life" DVDs,
Seven knives a slicing,
Six CEOs a-lying,
Five golden parachutes,
Four shares of Citadel,
Three retailers selling cheap HD,
Two jobs in one,
And, a parking ticket in DC.
12 dumb policies -- one dumber than the other -- less local programming, dual PD positions, the least amount of new music, eliminating or seriously curtailing successful morning shows, less is more, no Internet strategy, pissing off the next generation, treating employees with disrespect, nickel and diming underpaid workers and retaining CEOs who deliver penny stocks to their investor.
Enjoy the season anyway.
Your health. Your family. Your life.
Don't let these screw-ups make you forget your God-given talents and your amazing ability to deal with adversity. After all, adversity introduces a person to him or herself and to those around them.
$11 million dollar tax-free salaries and private jets don't make the nicest or happiest people in the world.
The joke is on them.
You are the ones who made radio an industry worth consolidating in the first place -- along with a lot of others who have left or have been driven out of the business -- and you will be the ones who will eventually take your skills into the digital future.
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